With Mother’s Day upon us, I spent some time this week reflecting on my mom’s influence on my life. Her influence has been profound and sustained, to say the least, and I wanted to take a moment to unpack what she did to have this lasting effect that will be felt for generations to come.
Before/After
Before I dive into the values my mother embodied and the actions she took, it’s relevant to look at where she came from and where things have ended up thus far.
The understatement of the century would be to say that my mom had a less-than-ideal upbringing. It was challenging emotionally and physically. Her closest examples of parenthood and family were not healthy on many levels that would emotionally cripple any normal person. When she was 15 she met my dad. They married when she was 19. He was a mechanic. Two years later I came along. The odds were certainly not in our family’s favor.
If we jump to present-day, I would argue that our family’s story, and what will become my parents’ legacy, is a great success. My parent’s have now been happily married — inseparable, really — for 47 years. My sister and I got degrees (my sister went on to become a doctor), have had successful careers, and have been married to awesome spouses for decades. My mom now has 7 grandchildren, the oldest of which is headed to college himself.
So how could such humble beginnings result in such a snowball of success? Below is my best attempt at distilling the important stuff…
Sacrifice Self
We did not have a ton of money growing up. My dad did a good job of advancing his career and ultimately was a very successful entrepreneur. But through most of my childhood my parents were stretched thin — sometimes even having to choose which bills weren’t going to be paid.
As we grew up, my parents did absolutely everything to make sure my sister and I didn’t miss out on any sports or other opportunities that would benefit our character. My mom cleaned houses for a while to make some extra money. I remember there was a business run out of our garage for a while. Ultimately my mom went back to school when I was in middle school to become a physical therapist. I remember her studying every evening and the rest of us filling in the gaps with meal prep and housework. It was hard work that paid off. She graduated and worked her ass off to ensure that we had adequate resources.
Selfishness wasn’t an option with the goals my mom had in mind for her children.
Education + High Expectations
I vividly remember doing math flashcards with my mom. I swear it must be one of my earliest memories. I also remember my mom reading to me all the time. When school came around, good grades and hard work were recognized with pride, but also just generally expected.
When I graduated from high school, there was no question that I would go to college. Then there was no question that I would graduate. I also didn’t have the burden of paying for any of it. Privilege? No doubt. See the previous section to understand how that was made possible.
When I went to college, I knew how to cook, how to clean, how to wash clothes. I could operate completely independently. Why? Because my mom expected me to do those things for myself since I was in elementary school.
When I graduated, I had a job. I didn’t move home while I “looked for one”. Why? Because that was the expectation: Put the degree to work. And the cool thing is that I had a job with a salary and paid time off that my parents couldn’t have dreamed of in their twenties. That was a HUGE springboard for my career and my family.
This all came about because my mom placed a high value on education and had high expectations of my effort and behavior.
Enthusiasm & Confidence
Being a parent myself, I think my mom was either lying or delusional with the number of times she would tell me I was “doing great” or “looking good” or was somehow deserving of accomplishment and recognition. It’s just not possible to have those attitudes and beliefs genuinely about your child all the time. But I guess sometimes the ends justify the means.
Enthusiasm and confidence are maybe the most powerful tools one can have to successfully navigate the world, relationships, and career. These characteristics are intoxicatingly attractive and are the foundation of charisma. Somehow all those affirmations from my mom helped me to harness the most socially powerful characteristics one can have. It’s led me to embrace risk as exciting adventure. Because of enthusiasm and confidence I have a career that I love, easily supports my family, and allows me to lead super smart people.
Ripples
So now there are two generations that have leveled up exponentially all because one lady set her mind to making sure her children were well-equipped. There will be a third generation before we know it that will benefit even more. That is an amazingly meaningful impact to have in the world with no fame or fortune. We should all strive to accomplish something so great. Thank you, Mom.
